It is difficult for anyone to repair a relationship with someone you have divorced, but it isn’t an impossibility.   The period immediately after a divorce can be one of adjustment , but you don’t have to give up hope that you will get back together.  It may take some time and hard work, but reconciliation and even romance can happen.  The best way to work through your separation and win the heart of your wife is to take things slow, work hard and hope for the best

 How to get your ex-wife back

• Let her cool off. If your wife initiated the divorce proceedings, she probably feels like the aggrieved party.  If she is working through her animosity towards you, it may take a while for her to become amenable to a civil discussion.  Wait a few weeks or months before you initiate any type of communication.  Ask your lawyer to accelerate any legal proceedings that are required.  That way the ugliness of the divorce can be well in the past when you attempt a rapprochement.
• Write her a letter or email.  Writing your ex is the best way to begin talking.  If she is not ready to speak to you in person, she can take some time to write a response.  You can avoid an ugly personal confrontation or a stinging refusal.  You can also write down all you want to say and let her respond to whatever she wants.  Handwriting is more personal and effective, but email her if you feel it is more appropriate for your particular wife.
• Apologize.  You should begin communicating by saying you are sorry for any mistakes that you made during the marriage or divorce.  The more concrete and detailed the apology the better.  You may not feel that all of the marriages woes can be blamed on you, but the purpose of this is merely to open up a dialogue.  You can discuss the nuts and bolts of your marriage when you are both comfortable being with each other later.
• Send a gift.  This may be superfluous for some relatively unemotional marriages.  However don’t consider gift-giving a romantic gesture.  It is really more to convince your ex-wife that you want to be at peace with her.  I would not suggest jewelry, furs or a new car.  That may appear like you are trying to buy her affection.  Stick with something small but meaningful, hopefully something that shows you still care about her.
• Work out your kinks.  This is an excellent opportunity to get a life coach or start personal therapy.  Hopefully, your wife will find out and believe that you are committed to being a better person and husband.  More importantly, when the two of you can interact comfortably, she will notice differences in your character.
• Ask for a personal meeting.  If you can convince your wife to do so, suggest a meeting at a cafe or lunch.  This may be uncomfortable the first few times, but you need to be seen making the effort to repair your relationship.  Avoid emotional topics or things that may start an argument.  If at all possible keep things light and fun.  Pepper your conversation with humor.  Even if your wife seems reluctant to accept your friendship, you need to hammer down that wall with patience and determination.
• Set up group social situations.  If your wife is reluctant to be with you alone, you may want to invite her to group gatherings.  If a purely social situation is still uncomfortable, suggest an activity oriented activity.  Tennis, bridge or bingo are popular choices.  You may not be able to talk to your ex very much, but you will both acclimate to each other’s presence.
• Have a heart to heart talk.  After your friendship is firmly cemented, you should feel comfortable approaching your ex-wife and having an earnest discussion about trying again.  The setting is less important than being honest about how you feel, how you’ve changed and what you hope a new relationship will look like.  If you do get rejected at this stage, don’t worry, you’re friendship can probably weather this.  Continue being a good friend, stay devoted to your wife’s well-being and she will come around. 

It isn’t easy resuscitating a marriage from something as traumatic as a divorce.  You may look at it like this: it took years for your marriage to deteriorate, it may take that long to resurrect.

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