Life after a breakup can be uncertain. You may not be sure if your ex still has feelings for you or not. You may not be sure if you have feelings for your ex. You have to navigate through this maze of feelings and mixed signals. Sometimes this is complicated by an ex who insists on texting you.
It is important that he/she is trying to communicate and what he is saying in those attempts, but it is equally important how often and at what times he is texting you. If he/she is calling at all times of the day and night, you can confidently say that they have strong feelings and want you to reciprocate. Whether you want to or not, there are some useful ways of dealing with this kind of bothersome behavior.
If you want to get back together:
- Start a back and forth: You may not want to jump right in and have him/her see you just yet, so continue exchanging texts and emails. This is perfect if you are just trying to feel them out, to see how interested they are in picking up where things ended. You can also better organize your thoughts and put some time into crafting the perfect phrasing.
- Call them: This is not quite as emotionally distant as a text exchange and not as personal as an in person meeting. I would do this if you want to hear their voice but don’t trust yourself to see them face to face, perhaps because you may become overly emotional. I would also recommend this if you live far apart or your schedules are way out of sync.
- Suggest a meeting. If you are fairly confident that you would like to reconcile with your ex, then you should text back that a face to face meeting should happen. Meeting face to face will provide more information about how your ex is looking and sounding. If he/she seems haggard and unkempt, they are probably taking the breakup pretty hard. If they appear pretty good and they try to keep things in the conversation, you may want to back off a little and reassess the situation. Maybe you got the wrong message about all those texts. In any case, a face to face should give you some pretty good indications of how the two of you are feeling about each other.
- Send a gift. If you want to communicate that you appreciate the attention you are receiving then sending flowers or candygram, may be the way to go. Enclose a sweet note to help make obvious how you feel. Then just let them make the next move.
If you want to be left alone:
- Ignore them. If you have no interest in seeing or hearing from your ex, the least effort option is to ignore the texts. You may read them, but just don’t respond.
- Text back a stern warning. Don’t do this repeatedly, but at least once tell him/her that you do not want to hear from them on any media platform. You may want to threaten that if it continues you may ask the authorities to step in.
- Ask a friend to help. If you feel uncomfortable communicating to your ex or feel any attention on your part may exacerbate the situation, you may ask one or more friends to text or call your ex to say that his/her attention is unwanted and making you uncomfortable.
- Ask your phone provider to block your ex. Some service providers allow you to block calls and texts from unwanted individuals.
- Ask an attorney to write a letter. If you have an attorney, you can ask him to write a letter on his stationery, warning your ex to leave you alone.
- Contact the police. If you feel that you will not find peace any other way, you should ask law enforcement to contact your ex. If you have retained copies or documented incidents of emails, texts, phone calls or physical visits, this will help convince police to become involved. Many states now have cyberstalking laws on the books, but you may wish to consult your attorney about the details.