Persistence is a quality of greatness. It took Edison hundreds of tries before he produced a working light bulb. Lincoln lost numerous elections before becoming president. The key is knowing that failure is not a dead end, but merely an obstacle that you can climb over, go around or drill through.
Even if your relationship with the man or woman that you love has come to an end, you can still get back together with them. And you don’t have to wait for fate to step. You can start taking action immediately.
- Get a makeover. It doesn’t matter if you are Joe six-pack or Brad Pitt, you can always look better. So invest some time at the fitness center and burn off some of the pounds you put on during the relationship. Exercising will improve your health and help you alleviate some of the lingering depression from the breakup. You should look more svelte and trim, but getting in good physical condition should also maximize your confidence. Then hit the boutiques and re-imagine your look. You want to dress to impress your ex, next time you see them.
- Buy their love back. It doesn’t matter how the breakup happened, it is difficult to stay upset with someone who is giving you a stream of gifts. So begin, with a small, thoughtful gift. Then gradually send or drop by with bigger and more meaningful symbols of your affection. Even if they seem reluctant to accept, keep sending them, until they finally want to take you back.
- Write a letter. You may have left your ex with a lot of things unsaid. The best way to initially communicate with your ex is by letter. I prefer to write things out on paper with a pen. Emails are way too informal and disposable, but these days, a handwritten letter is pretty meaningful. It shows you cared enough to invest some time and effort. Begin with a vague apology about how things ended. Avoid being too specific because you might stir some latent anger. Then tell them how much they mean to you and how much you would like to sit and discuss trying again. Don’t send a first draft, because they can often be rambling and poorly written. So do a couple of rewrites before you send it. You may wish to include some mementos, like a flower, photos or a mix CD.
- Convince one of your ex’s friends to stick up for you. Almost everyone discusses their relationship difficulties with their friends, so having one of your ex’s confidants support you in your efforts to restart your romance, can be pivotal. A third party can be a wonderful resource. They may be able to better articulate what you or your ex is going through, and they can provide a valuable outside perspective. They can even function as an intermediary between the two of you.
- Get some counseling. Whether you do this informally with some trusted friends or with a professional therapist, it is a good idea to go over what happened in the relationship and why. You may not be able to address many of the issues that are rooted in your ex’s personality, but the ones that you can remedy in your own should be tackled. When you start interacting with your ex, you need to convince him/her that you are making a serious effort to be a better romantic partner. Spending some time with a couples therapist or psychoanalyst also has the added advantage of showing your ex, just how committed you are to improving yourself and your relationship.
- Be a good friend to your ex. It is absolutely essential to becoming a lover that you first prove you can be a trustworthy and loyal friend. Open up lines of communication with your ex so that you have more insight into what they are dealing with in their lives. As you re-develop your friendship, avoid making any romantic gestures like trying to hold hands sending flowers. Instead, you want to be supportive and encouraging, without any amorous overtones. And eventually, as your friendship deepens, your ex will become more amenable to transforming your friendship into a true romance.